The clever lad with the three names and the king's daughter

Умното момче со три имиња и царската ќерка

Once upon a time there was a young lad in a certain village who wanted to fuck the king's daughter. He wondered what to do and where he should go to get this done. One day he got the idea of going and becoming a shepherd in the king's court. Upon his arrival, he agreed to do any sort of work. So, they took him on as a servant, a shepherd, and for other sorts of dirty work. With time, he came closer and closer to the king's daughter.

One day the queen asked him:

"Lad, what is your name?"

"Dear Queen, my name is very obscene. I’ll tell you, but don't tell the king, your daughter or even the guards."

She promised that she wouldn't say a word and he told her that his name was Twat. On the next day, the king came up to him and said:

"Well, young man, what's your name?"

"Your Majesty, my name is Cock. Only you mustn't mention it to your wife, to your daughter, or even the guards, as this an obscene name."

On the fourth day the daughter approached him and asked him his name. He told her that he was called Beans.

Several days later the guard also asked him his name. And he replied to the guard that his name was Last Year.

And so, time passed and he got very close to the king's daughter. The king's birthday came, and he prepared a big feast. There were also beans. They all ate to their heart's content, and it was the daughter who consumed the most beans of all. When they were done eating, she began to cry and scream because of stomach pains, so she lay down. At this moment, the clever shepherd came to her. He lifted her legs and began to push. And the entire time she kept shouting:

"Oh My God, beans! My God, beans!"

The queen wanted to see what was going on with her daughter. When she looked, there was the shepherd pressed between her daughter's legs and pushing, pushing. She called to her husband:

"Go, King, and see, Twat is between our daughter's legs!"

And he answered her:

"Well, damn it, of course it's supposed to be between her legs, not on her forehead!"

But he got sick of the screaming and ran up to see. He looked and shouted:

"Hey, wife, it's the Cock!"

But the youth had already finished the job and ran through the courtyard. The king called out the guards:

"Grab the Cock and cut off its head immediately, immediately!"

And order is an order, brothers! The guard pulled it out, seized it by the head and cut if off. The young lad ran out of the courtyard. And the king came up to the guard and said to him:

"Why didn't you grab the Cock?"

"Your Majesty, I did grab it!"

"And the one that ran off?"

"Your Honor, that was Last Year."